Thursday, January 14, 2010

Resolution vs Revolution

Ahh, New Years resolutions...

We all make them, we all plan to start new every year... and then...

We stop - we fail - we fall flat on our face with a mouth full of chocolate chip cookies.

Then comes the self berating, the kicking ourselves and another resolution to "keep all resolutions" is added to our ever growing list.

My biggest saying in January - "I'll start again next Monday..."

and I never do...

My resolution sits in a journal, on a dusty shelf (don't judge me, I bet your top shelf is dusty too - go check and let me know) and I forget about it.

I have, at minimum, 8 journals filled to the brim with thoughts, poems, hopes, dreams and new years resolutions.

I'm going to share some...

January 1997 - "Find a man who is a hard worker and loves unconditionally" (Check)
January 1997 - "Read the Bible daily" (Still working on this one...)
January 1999 - "Go to gym at least 3 times a week" (Ummm...)
January 1999 - "Have more good hair days than bad ones" (You tell me if that worked)
January 2001 - "Go camping twice this year" (I am so not meant to camp-out)
January 2001 - "Create a cleaning/cooking schedule for each day of the week" (HA!)
January 2003 - "Start French lessons" (French fry, french kiss, french braid...)
January 2005 - "Lose 5lbs" (still working on that)
January 2005 - "Read four classic works of fiction" (Mmm-kay...)
January 2007 - "Spend more quality time with my family" (a daily work)
January 2007 - "Be better at correspondence" (Still working on this one)
January 2009 - "Learn Spanish" (I am still a gringa)
January 2009 - "Give a Bible study" (Noel was my first ever study!)

So, in reading back, (I didn't post all of them... some were just downright ridiculous!) if I am basing my life's successes on my resolutions kept, well then, I am an Epic Fail!

If my success is based on losing that 5lbs, or learning a language, going camping or finally having an OCD schedule that some part of my deluded mind thinks I need to have, then I have failed miserably...

I love resolutions, don't get me wrong. New beginnings coupled with determination are important. But there's just more too it than that...

Today I was driving to get the kids from school and I had a moment.

Have you ever had those moments, almost like a flash forward, where you can just barely glimpse something in your mind/spirit? Something important impresses itself on your soul and in a fleeting moment you have extreme clarity and direction, and then, just like that, its gone?

Please don't tell me I am the only one this happens too...

Today, I had a thought - Resolution VS Revolution (No, I am not talking about the French Revolution).

When I got home, I looked up the definitions.

There are several, but the ones that caught me the most were these

Resolution - :the act of resolving or determining upon an action or course of action, method, procedure, etc. :A resolving to do something. :a formal expression of opinion, will, or intention .
Revolution - :a sudden, complete or marked change in something. :A sudden or momentous change in a situation.

There have been so many times I've looked my new years resolutions in the face and defiantly opened that bag of powdered doughnuts and sat down to watch "Bridget Jones Diary" to make myself feel better... Or waited till December 20th to crack open those classic works of fiction... or subscribed online to learn a few Spanish/French phrases... Once, I went to the gym with my friend Robin for 20 minutes (1st time that year) and went home and immediately ate a cookie...

My heart is willing, but my flesh is weak (especially when it comes to chocolate - blast it all!!)

One thing I have learned and am still working on - Live deliberately.

Life happens, junk happens, mistakes happen (you are looking at the queen of them), people happen (you know who you are!) and failure is inevitable at some point.

But, if I can look honestly in the face of my trials, mistakes, failures and the people around me, I can deliberately pick up the pieces and move forward.

I can have a "revolution" after I learn from my mistakes, but that only happens through deliberation, prayer, reflection and careful consideration in my course of action after I fail. And if I fail yet again, (you can bet on it) to keep holding to the same deliberate mindset.

Every morning, I am going to look at my husband and make my marriage deliberate. I am going to parent with purpose and careful calculation. I am going to live for God as a diligent Christian with a plan of action.

And if I fail (probably tomorrow)- I'm going to be honest with myself and try again, taking heed of yesterday and looking forward to tomorrow.

I'm tired of throwing my resolutions to the wind and saying "oh well, there's always next year".

I'm going to "revolt".

(I truly didn't know where this post was going, but I write for me... and you? Well, you're just passing through...)

Happy New Year people!

No comments:

Post a Comment