Tuesday, December 14, 2010

*tap tap* Is this thing on?

So, I haven't written a blog in like, I don't know, half a century and now I am about to write a whiny one.


I'm sure you're so pleased.


Get over it.  =) 

This can't possibly be worse than reading about the political spectrum, the newest tax hike, football player foul up or the newest antics of those Kardashian airheads...  Well... If it is, then I apologize in advance and I'm worse off than I thought.

Today was a hard day.  Well, it's been a hard few weeks.  But, that's not what I'm writing about.

Wait, what am I writing about?  Oh yeah, I'm whining.  Let me get back to it then.

My top 'whines' are:

1. Change.  It's HARD.  Especially for me, a control freak, who likes to play God and position everything in my life just as I like it.  It's so easy for me to have faith when I can see where I am headed or have some grand scheme in mind as I play the chess pieces of my life.  Can I get a "Leave it to Beaver" Mrs. Cleaver reprieve??  No?  OK... Sigh.  FINE! We have a lot of changes coming to the surface in our life right now.  And, don't get me wrong, I can SEE with my control-freaky eyes that these changes are going to be GOOD and that they come from God.  But, what I'm finding is that there are good days where my faith is buoyant and I can rise above the swells of fear and unbelief and then, like today, sometimes there's a need to scrape myself off the floor of despair (with a pampered chef spatula) and pour myself back into some form of faith.  At times that faith is as small as this ( . ) but apparently that's all we need.  I'm believing God.  He is who He says He is.  (My daily mantra)

2. Parenting.  THE HARDEST JOB EVER!  We are in a new phase of parenting.  I don't know what to do with myself.  I'm not ready for this.  Can I lock myself in a closet till they are 45?  No...  right.  That would be weird and totally not ok for me to do... right?  Right.  Ok, moving on.  I feel totally unprepared and a little isolated in this stage of the game.  I NEED a new plan.  The plan that worked when my kids were 0-5 years old is not working anymore.  I find that the older my kids are getting, the more worried I am about them, the more prayers I throw up to ceiling about them, my heart breaks more frequently over them, and I find myself willing the world to slow down and stop spinning so fast so I can enjoy this time and catch a breath with them.  And this is where I'm slowly losing sanity.  I'm thinking of connecting a group of ladies with kids in the same age ranges as my own (6 - 10) and starting an online "support" group.  We could share tactics, prayers, worries, key moments, fresh tools and our own battle worn experience.  Its essential that we share and help each other.  And BOY could I use some fresh perspective right now with my kids.  Thoughts? 

(I'm noticing a pattern with the CAPS key in this post...)

3. Bullies.  This should go under 'whine' #2 but I feel it deserves its own number.  I ABHOR bullies.  Kids/teens/adults that feel like they have the right to pick on someone about the way they look, talk, walk, eat, laugh, or do anything else should be taken out and spanked.  I don't care if you're 92 years old.  If you have such a warped spirit towards others you need a paddle taken to your behind.  T came home today with a note from his teacher that he had gotten a talking to in class about speaking out of turn and acting like a clown.  When I asked him about it, this little tiny voice came out of his normally bold mouth and said, "I was trying to make them laugh and forget about teasing me..."  With a little further prompting, it was discovered that three kids in his class have been whispering about him and teasing him openly in front of his class mates.  About his clothes (which I buy, so I know they are hip), the way he walks (?), and his big eyes (My son is THE handsomest boy in his class.  Really.  I would say so even if I WASN'T his mom.) I wanted to go Kung-Fu panda on these kids and to swoop in and wash their mouths out with soap. I refrained.  Instead, I watched my little boy cry while he told me about it and felt my heart get ripped out and stomped on by some degenerate little 4th grade punks in the second row of room #71 who probably watch MTV and kick puppies for fun. We prayed about it and I gave a sermon on the mount about lies from satan, garbage, knowing who we are, confidence, num-chucks and pepper spray (well, something like that) and T walked away feeling a little better.  I, on the other hand, immediately went and vigorously vacuumed the living room to release some steam.  It didn't work that well (although I was able to get the glitter out of that one spot on the carpet.)  This is going to require some extra fervent prayers and I will definitely have to work on teaching my son how to 'pray for his enemies'.  I'll have to practice for a little while first.   *Ahem

#4. Christmas.  I LOVE Christmas.  I do.  Truly.  I can't wait till July when I have permission from my husband to listen to Christmas music for one day.  Or walk through Hobby Lobby's big "Christmas in July" sale and buy stuff for the upcoming season.  I couldn't wait for Christmas to get here.  I lobbied and picketed for the right to put my Christmas tree up in the middle of November (I lost that battle. Mr. Scrooge promptly saw to that) I lit my Balsam Tree Candle in October and put a bunch of candles around one of my little potted plants to pretend it was a real Christmas tree (ok, I didn't, but I did THINK about doing it).  So, will someone please tell me WHY now that Christmas is almost here and all my festive items are out, the house is bedecked, the crooners are singing away about "Silent Nights' and 'Winter Wonderlands' and I don't feel anything??  Not even a spark of Christmas spirit.  None.  NADA.  Zilch.  I really didn't want to put that out there, I'm afraid I am going to get a lump of coal in my stocking (Or reindeer poop on my pillow).  What in the world is the matter with me? I'm praying and meditating on the Advent and birth of Christ (so as not to get lost in commercialism and materialism) and I can't muster it up.  All those great Christmas crafts I saved in my 'inspiration' folder are just sitting there.  I feel like I'm messing Christmas up for my kids.  I am Ebenezer Scrooges Great Grandmother.  (BTW Don't let your kid watch the new Christmas Carol.  It scared ME so bad I almost peed).  What do you do to get in the Christmas spirit?

#5.  Super Moms.  Oh, you know who I am talking about.  THOSE moms who manage to find time to press their designer duds, manicure their hang-nail free fingertips, take their kids to ballet, football, art-classes, band class, soccer practice, violin practice, piano practice, pottery class, kazoo class, weaving class, finger painting class...  AND still find time to shave their legs.  I don't get it.  I got so busy two weeks ago that laundry piled up and I didn't even notice until my little boy said, "Mom, I really don't have any clean underwear."  You KNOW that's a bad sign coming from a little boy who will wear them inside out to get more wear out of them.  I even forgot to shave my legs until I noticed my jeans were all tented up from the hair poking up and out in the inside leg.  Goodness.  It's a wonder my husband finds me the least bit attractive.  I follow a few blogs (now, don't go looking through them to find out who I am talking about) where these ladies just post the most delightful things, the cleanest rooms, the most sparkling floors, and their latest 15 hour intricate paint by numbers project.  I look at their life and instantly compare mine to theirs and that makes me MAD. I want to throw my computer onto my floor and stomp on it (until I realize that doing so would mean I would have MORE mopping to do.)   I don't want to read a blog about how perfect your life is.  I want to hear the blood and guts and how you're going to lose your mind if one more rice crispie ends up smashed in your sheets or how you got bearded dragon poop stains out of your sons shirt (True story - try dawn dish soap with a little bit of bleach).  I don't want to read about Barbie and Ken in the Mattel mansion.  It's at the point where only truth will do for me.  Fake people creep me out. 

Wheww...  Well, since there were no pictures in this post I'm not even sure if you made it this far.  But, it felt good to cry, laugh, joke and purge.  I need to be more honest in my life and situations.

So if you made it to this line.  Thanks for reading.  I promise I won't wait so long next time and explode all over your google reader.