Step 1

We had a lady named, Bonnie Miller speak at my church on Sunday.  She wasn't the atypical speaker that I was used to listening too, but man, when I honed into what she was saying...  her words really touched my heart and I knew that this tied into what I was hoping to accomplish with this blog.  If you have 30 min, check out her teaching here.  (if its not there yet, it will be loaded later today)  Like it or not, the words that we speak aloud are sown into our spirits...  or even more ...  the spirits of others...  and the scriptures say, "that which we sow we will reap..."

I've been convicted when I stop to listen to myself speak. In the past few days I heard myself say... "It will never happen!"  "You're driving my crazy!"  When my husband told me I was beautiful, I shook my head "No" at him,  "I'll never get it done in time..." "I'm no good at this..." "What if it never happens?"  

Whoa.  Is it any surprise that I struggle with self esteem, patience, inadequacy and worry?  That's all I'm used to speaking aloud.  To myself.  About myself.  Its almost as though on autopilot I say these things aloud and sow seeds of nagging worry, despair, anxiety, impatience and low self esteem into my spirit.  And what are my words sowing into the lives of my precious children?  My wonderful husband?  

Its easy to compliment others, "You look so pretty today!"  "Thanks for your help!"  "You're important" "I really liked what you had to say..."  but WHY, oh Why, is it so hard to say those things to the very people who live in close quarters with me and share the same DNA as I???  

I've worked very hard the past few days saying things to my family like, "Wow, I really like your perseverance, but the answer is still NO!" as opposed to "Are you deaf?  I said N.O.!!!!!"  "Thank you for your help, I really appreciate it, even if that butter glass did get broken..." Instead of, "What do you think you're doing!  Look what you did!!"  "Thank you for cleaning the kitchen!  What a help you've been to me today" instead of, "Oh, you forgot to do...." "I think you're wonderful."  "I'll always love you." "I can do this!"  "Thank you God for helping me!"  

Its been hard.  My gut instinct is to vomit out my negative projectiles and shoot down those closest to me and to continue to maim my own spirit.  But, I can imagine, just as it is with anything, practice makes perfect.  If I can instinctively sow positive thoughts and promises and statements from the Word of God into my life and the lives of those around me...  Why, I think it would change my entire universe.  

So.  I'm kicking my mental butt into gear...  

If you see me muttering to myself down the aisles of Target, don't pull out a straight jacket and incarcerate me yet...  I'm just re-booting myself.